1. Early morning panic

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When planning a boating trip, it is always best to be prepared and having a Captain with a photographic memory is of definite advantage and comes in handy in case you get marooned on some distant islet of the Thames. It should however be borne in mind that any such person who is the proud possessor of such a photographic mind should have not have run out of film.

Earlier in the week, Jimmy had been reminded that after the starter motor and alternator had been replaced, that the voltmeter was still not working and using his memory gift, dreamt about it the night before the trip.

The omens were poor on the very first day. The rain was persistently pouring down, the mobile phone had run out of juice and Jimmy couldn’t contact the man with the gravel voice, Marcus, the engineer at the boat yard, and far more disconcerting was that the voltmeter was definitely not working.

Using his one remaining brain cell, Jimmy pulled out all the stoppers and at last remembered that modern day electronic devices are not physic in their use, and have to actually be turned on before they can be used. He simply couldn’t find the On-off button.

So in the pouring rain, an appointment was made to meet Marcus at the boat yard.

Yet another problem existed, how was the Captain to moor the boat single handed without the help of a crew? An even worse problem was about to emerge-mooring the boat alongside another boat in tandem. Well you’ve probably guessed, Captain Jimmy only hit two other boats and eventually moored alongside a day tripper boat and not one of the boatyards fleet. Jimmy became deaf and didn’t hear the day tripper’s remarks to shift his boat, and suddenly had an urge to turn the radio up.

After having to successfully navigate himself across another two boats Marcus scrambled aboard. After investigating the non-working voltmeter, which took at least ten seconds, he   proudly said” Nothing wrong with it mate, the needle was stuck and just needed tapping”. Talking of tapping, thoughts of a big stick came to the Captain’s mind for a quick round of self-flagellation.