As we left an establishment that calls itself a purveyor of wines and fine ales, the Captain heard a familiar accent, a Liverpudlian accent and being a Scouser himself , shouted out “Is there a Scouse Git about”? An almost instantaneous reply came “Yes mate” and who gave that reply nobody except Kevin and his dog, the son of a thousand and one fathers, the dog that is. Kevin told us that he had been living on the street for 20 years and that he has appeared a couple of the times on the telly.
The Captain, without hesitation asked about the name of the dog and when told that his dog was called Monty, the Captain couldn’t believe his luck .At last he had met somebody with a dog called Monty which was bound to be it short hand for Montmorency .When the Captain asked was it short for Montmorency, Kevin replied “Yes mate. “ By now the Captain was euphoric and called the First mate and Cabin Boy over and said “You won’t believe it lads, but this old boy’s dog is called Monty and it’s short for Montmorency. The Captain added “Your old man must have been a lover of the book “Three Men in a Boat then?””No mate never heard of it , my dad named him after his favourite character in a book in which a convict has a stroke of luck and changes from being a convict to a gentleman and a spy “Well mate, from one mate to another ,there’s hope for you yet” said the First Mate.
Billy then asked Kevin how did he get the scar on the top of his head. Kevin replied “If you look at Monty’s left eye you can see a scar over it. Well I was walking Monty one morning along the path down by the river and a runt of a Jack Russell tried to mount Monty, you know true doggy style. Well I’m not having any little snapper trying to rodger my Monty so I tried to part them and, in doing so the Jack Russell bit us both on the head and then tried to bite me on the ankle .But I was too quick for it, and that dog soon found out what it was like to be kicked in the bollocks with a pair of steel toe capped size twelve boots and find itself suddenly floating down the river. As it floated down the river, that dog had a lot of time to think about the dangers of trying to molest an innocent such as my beloved Monty and, more importantly would having a pair of crushed nuts prevent him from doing it in the first place. Funny thing is, I am sure I’ve seen the same dog a couple of times in the café down by the station and it didn’t show any interest in Monty or me”.
As we strolled down the hill and towards the river, the Captain turned to the crew and said “it must be a co-incidence for we have just been drinking a few pints of Dogs Bollocks in the pub back there”
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