176. Staines

We weren’t particularly impressed by Staines and as it is within the confines of the M25 motorway .The First Mate said “This area we are passing through is typical suburbia, you know a place that’s a lame excuse for a city, you know one of the places where they cut down all the trees and then build rows of houses in straight streets, which are then named after some old duffers who have been or are on the local council. And of course, every house looks the same and the only way you can tell which house is yours is by the number, colours and types of garden gnomes found in your front garden”. Phil finally completed his remarks by adding “That no-one famous was born in Staines.”

“Yes Phil, I agree, said” Billy, “The name suits the place, stains cause annoyance or embarrassment and furthermore sub means  sub  par to living in the actual city. It is a dreary existence of living right beside a house exactly like yours, for cheap. Sure, living in a flat isn’t all that better, but hey, at least downtown isn't a boring mindless existence on a day by day basis. 

An evil massive sprawl created after the Second World War to compensate veterans that many people found attractive until they realized it was too late, but after buying too many appliances and object, they  could no longer afford to return to the city. But at least they have made some effort with regards to the waterfront.If you look over to our left, it is quite  nice".

“Well I beg to differ “said the Captain, “I find Staines quite interesting. Did you know that prior to the Lockerbie bombing that Staines held the record for the place to have the worse air crash on British soil and Phil, some interesting people have come out of Staines such as Ali G, that fat poofer astrologer Russell Grant and don’t forget the Lino Men, and before you two start asking about the Lino Men, I’ll tell you about them later”. The First Mate grunted “We can hardly wait can we Billy Boy?”.