178. Proud to be English and Jehovah’s Witnesses

 In Great Britain there are still people who are proud to be British and there are those in England who are even more proud to be both British and English and this applied to the guy with the Union Jack shorts we met at Chertsey. His name was Frederick Flanagan and he had been a civil servant all his life serving in the War Office.

When asked what the difference between English and British was?,   his reply was quite witty.

He said “The English   language is only spoken by really intelligent English people who know how to speak it correctly and British people speak it with a foreign accent such as the Welsh, the Scottish, and unfortunately the Irish”.

He then continued by stating the English were the greatest race on earth and quoted what he had actually heard an American commander giving advice to American soldiers in Bosnia and saying “Don’t drink with the English. Don't gamble with the English Don't fight with the English. Because if you do, you will lose on all three accounts”.  But there again we have only his word for it but being a true English gentleman, it probably was the truth. When told by the Captain, that his surname sounded a thousand percent Irish, he soon scooted off repeating several times “The sins of the father, the sins of the father” .The First Mate Phil, being in a philosophical mood, hence his Christian name, added “I didn’t know that Shakespeare was a Jehovah’s Witness.

The Cabin Boy, looked confused and during the course of the trip appeared to become more and more confused when the other crew members   used  colourful language mixed with strange words or terms that he had not heard of before or didn’t understand and asked “ What is a   Jehovah’ witness ?”.

The First Mate explained “Billy, it’ a religious cult who get brainwashed by  techniques into believing that their interpretation of the Bible is better than anyone else's. It was started by some religious twit who said that he suddenly one day got a vision that the world would be coming to an end in 1914. Well he got it wrong, 1914 came and went, but he still managed to persuade his flock of sheep that it would happen in 1942. When 1942 came and went, well let me put it this way... Anyone who would even think about joining this cult is mentally ill to begin with. They publish some newspaper or magazine called the Watch Tower which is only fit to wipe your arse on. I think that it in the  1930’s that  their leaders conspired with Hitler against the Jews and it’s well known that  several of their top members were thrown in jail for committing fraud, larceny, and of course the  mandatory range of sex offences. But somehow this cult still manages to go on. . If a member strays away in any way from their way of life, all other members turn on them and this is just one of the mind control techniques that they use. But the worse thing about them Billy, is that every year hundreds of children die because these geniuses think that  Thou shalt not eat blood  as mentioned somewhere in the Bible, refers to life saving  blood transfusions “

The Captain continued the conversation “Yes they are a rare breed Billy, and they usually travel in groups. They can often be seen roaming through neighborhoods and making a nuisance of themselves standing on the doorsteps of your  houses  while trying to convert you. They often have very flat faces because of the large number of times that doors have been shut in their faces. In the event that you see that a Jehovah's Witness is about to darken your door, you should follow these simple these instructions. Pull  the curtains together  quickly , turn the telly off , and hide,  and when the Jehovah  continues  to ring your door bell, just  stay calm, don’t make any sudden movements, and thankfully with a bit of luck this will enrage the witness enough so and they soon bugger off.