When we arrived at Datchet we were cold, wet and hungry and we could certainly agree that in the early 1800s the village was known as Black Datchet but we later found that not because of the weather, but because the jail at Aylesbury was filled with poachers from Datchet.
We couldn’t see a pub or a village green within view along the river bank but could see a fisherman who looked like his mind was in permanent neutral. The Captain asked him did he know where the two pubs on The Green where and was told “No I don’t live here; I live a couple of miles down the road close to Eton”. Would you believe in this day and age that this village idiot, which he evidently was, hadn’t ventured into a town a couple of miles downriver .The Captain believed beyond any shadow of a doubt that the bloke was a sub, for when he asked him “How did you get here then ?“My mum dropped me off over there and I walked along that path and across the grass to get here” replied the sub. The Captain turned his back on the sub and said “That bloke’s a bloody, stupid idiot”. The sub shouted out “I heard that, I may be stupid but I ain’t lost”.
We walked a little further towards the church and stopped the next person coming along, and it turned out to be Mr.Graham Heaver, the clerk to Datchet Parish Council.He pointed up a small lane and said” That’s where you’ll find the village if you’re wanting a beer”. The inquisitive Cabin Boy asked the clerk and asked did the river divide the counties ? “, and was quite impressed when Graham told us that “In 1974 the village was in Oxfordshire and now it is in Berkshire. New administrative counties were created, but these did not affect the boundaries of the ancient and geographical counties and the boundaries of Lancashire remained unaltered. However, because the media began to refer to these new administrative counties instead of continuing to use the names and identities of the geographical counties, some people were misled into thinking that they had been moved over night into a new county. The counties of this country are an integral part of our history and culture and it is essential that their true identity is preserved. Until 1974 the identities of most of the ancient and geographical counties of the United Kingdom had remained essentially unaltered for over a thousand years. Very little needs to be done to undo the damage to this county identity that has occurred since 1974, but unless steps are taken now, we run the risk of losing this very important part of our heritage. You can help by always referring to the geographical county in which you live, not the administrative county”.
Billy replied “Thanks for such a lengthy answer old boy, but how come you know so much about it then?””Well when you’ve retired you need a hobby so I did an OU degree and one of my final year projects concerned such matters, so what hobbies have do you old boys have ? “inquired the Parish clerk.” Billy smiled and said” Apart from talking to such interesting people like you, we like all the usual…sex ,drugs, rock and roll, touring and exploring the English countryside “.The First Mate added” Visiting quiet little villages, getting pissed in the pubs and taking the piss out of the locals just like that village idiot over there on the river bank”. The Parish clerk turned around and said” Oh, Simon over there is harmless, was involved in a accident with a tractor a few years ago”. Billy couldn’t help himself, yet again, and asked “What happened then?”.” I was not living here at the time but I heard that Simon get pissed on scrumpy cider one night in the Stag, and decided to drive the tractor home that old man Hill had left parked outside, and Simon being Simon, put the tractor into reverse and, in doing so knocked down a telephone box, a post box and finally crashed into a local butcher’s shop, and in doing so suffered some head injuries”. That was the trigger; the Captain just couldn’t help himself any longer and quoted”
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the pie man “What have you got there?”
“Pies you stupid little twit, what else do think I’ve got?” said the man”.
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