Pubs have had a large profile in our trip and so when we ventured forth into Staines we pleasantly surprised that in one street there were three pubs all in within about 100 yards of each other.
The first pub we graced with our company was the Jolly Farmer and would you believe it, it is in Farmer’s Road.
We arrived early afternoon to find that the place was more or less empty. We understand from the landlord that the place is a live music venue and that it gets packed over the weekends. What is a disappointment is that the pub had no real ales on tap but you could get London Pride in bottles.
Being more or less country boys, the Cabin Boy and the Captain briefly discussed the name of the pub.”I say Captain” “Funny isn’t it, the only farmers I’ve ever met have been miserable gits”.”Yes I agree Billy” “Do you remember that pair of miserable farmer brothers in Hungerford, I think they were called Derek and Gerald Harvey and farmed at Lower Denford”, I’m not too sure “said Billy” “What did they look like “ “The elder one, the tall skinny one looked like a bean pole who wore sniper specs, they were that strong, if he looked directly at the sun , he would have been incinerated on the spot and, the second one, Gerald , the runt of the litter had a set of gnashes that could complete with that chap Jaws in the James Bond movie and both of the spinster sisters were built like brick built shit houses.
“I remember them now “ said Billy “One summer I helped with the harvest for a week and they gave me” ten bob, “Luxury Billy, said the Captain, “I did a ten day, 10 hours a day stretch and earned the same and when I complained they gave me some fantails pigeons to keep as pets. Kept them caged for a month and they still went straight back to the farm.”
“Even the words Jolly Farmer are a dichotomy Billy or in simple terms for you Billy, two words that don’t go together in the same sentence”. “Ah I see “said Billy” You mean two words which are mutually exclusive or a procedure which can’t be proportioned as a whole.” That’s right Billy, I didn’t want to complicate things for you” “But I did” laughed Billy the Banker, who was used to it in his professional life.
Next door to the Jolly lies the Anne Boleyn Hotel. Now trying to get a drink there is somewhat difficult. You have to have a meal in the attached Indian restaurant and then you can order up a drink with your meal and if you are lucky, you can have a drink in “their late bar” but only if you are a hotel guest or have eaten in the restaurant.
The place didn’t open up until 5.30 p.m. and so we were forced to pop over the road to the Swan. We could see no historical link between Anne Boleyn and India, unless she travelled there in Dr.Who’s Tardis on a day trip from Hampton Court to Bombay.
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