Pubs on the village greens are a traditional part of English country life and so when we found such a pub in Wallingford we were delighted. The pub is the Coach and Horses and the land lady was called Tina.
When we entered the pub, Tina asked us “What would like gentleman?”. The Captain joked “What about a quick one darling?”” A voice behind us said “Do you want a drink or not” We turned around to see a huge guy with hands the size of plates “” You offering to buy then “asked the First Mate.”To diffuse the situation the Cabin Boy asked “Would you like to join us for a drink sir?” “Sorry “said the big fella ,” I’m just about to go back on duty” We then realised that under his coat he had a police uniform on .We ordered our drinks, three pints of London Pride and Billy asked Tina “Who is the big fella?”, Tina smiled and said “O that’s my hubbie Tom, the local police sergeant” Billy laughed and said “ I almost joined the police force myself, but they found out that my mum and dad were married !”
What was a bit strange was that we were the only gentlemen drinking in this pub and after all it was at least four o’clock in the afternoon. We sat outside and just watched the world go by or leered at a couple of lady cyclists who rode by.
Being a bit of a literally chap, Billy reminded us of the poet laureate, John Betjeman’s piece of erotic prose concerning bicycle saddles :
“I think I would rather like
To be a saddle on a bike”
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