Saturday 6 November 2010

84. The Boys' new socks

Bo Diddley’s song of the early sixties “You can’t judge a book by looking at it’s cover” may be true and judging a man’s shoe choice is often regarded as a gateway to his soul but if you wish to gain a real insight into a man’s personality it is more straightforward. Just look at the socks he wears.

Unmarried men or known by their better name cock virgins, boast about their purity and wear white ankle socks. Ageing, obese gentlemen of a certain age wear long blue socks in order to conceal their road map of varicose veins while those men on an economy drive who try to avoid washing their socks at all, wear dark brown or all black socks. Scout masters seem to like knee length green socks to match their very tight, figure hugging pants and people who suffer from athletes foot wear special socks that will support several layers of Odour Eaters.
On our trip, Billy was often seen to wear a pair of socks which consisted of orange, green and brown hoops, but what was funny was that he never wore the matching regimental striped tie. Could it be that he didn’t want us to know that he was a past member of The Rear Gunner Squadron, or once a The Rear Admiral in the Brownies, no the ties livery was that of the Secret Society of Worshippers of Traffic Wardens who wear stockings and suspenders under their uniform.
While in Oxford Billy bought a pair of pale blue socks indicating that he was a Man City fan, who voted conservative, bought Cornflowers for his sweetheart, his birthstone was  Sapphire and therefore he was born in September. Yes a lot can be told from the colour of a man’s socks.

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