As one approaches Windsor after the bridge and you look ahead Windsor Castle is omni-present and occupies most of the landscape. You know the phrase that an Englishman’s home is his castle, well Windsor Castle signifies everything good and hence everything English.
Windsor Castle, is the largest and oldest occupied castle in the world, and is one of the official residences of Her Majesty The Queen, the others are Buckingham Palace in London, the Palace of Holyroodhouse in Edinburgh, Scotland. She also has Private residences: Sandringham in Norfolk, England and Balmoral Castle in Aberdeenshire, Scotland not to mention many unofficial and unoccupied residences. Denis Skinner a left-wing M.P, and known as The Beast of Bolsover, once described it as “The largest council house in England and the Queen lives in it at our expense!”
The Castle's dramatic site encapsulates 900 years of British history. It covers an area of 26 acres and contains, as well as a royal palace, a magnificent chapel and the homes and workplaces of a large number of people and for mere seventeen pounds you also can visit it in all its glory.
Windsor Castle is home to the home of the Windsor family and by this we mean the Royalty of Great Britain and Ireland .Amongst this family are the princes soon to be kings in the future who are interested in extreme sports while trying to promote world peace, and at the same time, are engaged in active service in the armed services.
The First Mate said “Many people around the world are very envious of our English Heritage , and of course, most of them who try to speak English make a complete fool of themselves. But the real beauty of the English Language is the derivation of all the phrases or sayings which are in everyday use, and I don’t believe that any other language is so rich in this respect.
The Cabin Boy asked the First Mate “Can you give us some examples then?”.”It will be my pleasure Billy Boy.
Well what about “piss poor “ for a starter .Many years ago they used to use urine to tan animal hides, and a family would piss into a pot and use it for tanning. But if a family had to do this in order to survive they were said to be “piss poor”. And furthermore, if people were so poor that they couldn’t afford a pot to store their family’s urine in, they were said to that poor that “they didn’t have a pot to piss in. You just imagine living in a house with an evil smelling piss pot standing in the corner 24/7.In the 1500’s ,people only used to bath once a year and this was generally in May.”” But why in May?” asked the Cabin Boy”.”Well most weddings used to take place in the month of June in those olden days, and they wanted to still smell nice by June but to make sure that the bride still smelled nice, she used to carry a “bouquet of flowers”. The Captain interrupted with “More likely to hide her body odour and even today’s, brides still carry a bouquet of flowers on their wedding day.”.” I was about to tell The Boy that, before you rudely interrupted Captain”.”Sorry about that old boy” replied the Captain, ”Please continue”.”OK “ said the First Mate. “All those years ago, bath day was family affair. A big tub would be filled with water and the man of the house would have the privilege of bathing first. After him, it would be the sons of the family followed by the wives and children. Finally it would be the turn of the babies. You just imagine what colour the water would be have been when it came to a baby’s turn. And that’s where that saying “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water comes from”.
There’s lots more I could tell you about “.”Ah go on Phil” tell us some more” asked the Cabin Boy”.”Ok Billy as long as you sit still and don’t piss with pants or in your case your panties, with excitement. Years ago people didn’t live in houses with roofs made of rafters and tiles and the roofs merely consisted of straw bundles packed together. Well if a family kept cats and dogs these critters would find warm and comfort , by sleeping in these bundles of straw used in the roof. Now when it rained heavily, the straw became slippery and these animals would suddenly fall though the roof onto people under the roof, and hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs”. To prevent these animals and other forms of crap from falling onto you in bed, the richer folk had four-poster beds with canopies fitted so that their beds remained relatively clean. The poor people who couldn’t afford these canopies were said to be “dirt poor”.
The weathy had slate floors which would get wet in winter, and to prevent people from falling arse over tit, they would cover the floor with thresh, which is an old word for straw. Over the winter months , more straw would gradually be added , and to prevent it from traveling outside a piece of wood was placed across the door entrance to the house. This piece of wood was called “a threshold.” Well that tells you about some of the living conditions gentlemen, would you like to hear about some of the eating habits of our ancestors. ? ”Whoever said history was boring, must have been a wanker “ cried out the Captain.”Go on First Mate, fill your boots with more of this”.
The First Mate continued.”Sometimes people could obtain some pork, which made them feel quite important, so when visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show it off. This was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring the bacon home”. They would cut off a little to share with guests. Because pork is quite a fatty meat, people would sit around the fire and “chew the fat”
When people used to buy bread from shops or from a local mill, the bread was divided according to status. Workers. mostly agricultural labourers or ag labs as they were known, got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the “the upper-crust”
Those with money could afford to buy plates made of pewter but, food with high acid content would etch out some of the lead to leach into the food, causing lead poisoning, and sometimes death. This type of poisoning happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
People would go around their friends houses for a few beers , and sometimes they would have their drinks served from lead cups .On their way back home, they sometimes collapsed from the combined effects of lead poisoning and being pissed .Now, someone walking along the road might find someone laying in the gutter or in the middle of the road and would take them for being dead and then prepare them for burial. The alleged corpse would be laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink, and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence, the custom of “holding a wake”
As you know England is such a small country for example in comparisons to India, China or even the USA and local folks in England, started running out of places suitable burying people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When these coffins were re-opened, it was found that 1 out of 25 coffins had scratch marks on the inside and then realised they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (hence the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered to be a “dead ringer”
Witty, Clever, Informative and Entertaining.
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