As the adage goes when drinking the optimist is always drinking from a half-full glass whilst the pessimist is drinking from an half empty glass. Well the Cabin Boy put it to the test .He filled one glass so that it was half filled and then half filled the second glass.
In fact , during the filling process, it took the Cabin Boy several pourings to decide when the glasses were both filled half way up or half way down. The Cabin Boy being a devote fan of “showing off what it is too be English” drank from both glasses until they were both equal in their volumes and declared that it was time to make the judgement.
All things being equal, except in the manhood length division, the Cabin Boy announced his decision and declared the result a tie. The First Mate ,being a cricket fan added “ I assume that the Pakistani cricket team have placed bets in their favour that it would be a draw, plus or minus several pints of beer and had been physic in their assumption that CCTV, investigative journalists and such like ,would be deaf, dumb and blind to the obvious disregard to the rules of a game that was once played by gentleman and was not subject to the short term gains caused by totally abhorrent gamesman or shall we call them profiteers.” Christ alive First Mate” Where did you learn to speak like that?” “At school “replied the First Mate .The Captain smiled “An approved school then!?”
The Captain continued the discussion, and said, “The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is the glass and I’m just thankful to have a glass”. Now , the Cabin Boy being a bit of a part- time philosopher, amongst other things added, “I reckon I am an optimistic pessimist, and being one means you can’t ever lose , and you are always in a win-win situation, you know you get the best of both worlds ”. “What are talking about Billy? “, interrupted the First Mate,” Can you explain what that means in simple English for simpletons like us?” . Well to simpletons like you two, you convince yourself that the outcome of any situation will always be pleasant although you know full well that that is not the case, but you keep on smiling and laughing, and eventually you cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy. You seem to end up living a happy and carefree life that so many people envy, but you don’t ever realise that you are just as miserable as them.” “Cheers Billy Boy, that’s as clear as mud”, said the First Mate, “ but I really think Billy”, continued The First Mate, that you must be a optimist for, if you came home and found your front door open, you’d think that someone had arranged a surprise party for you and furthermore, if you got that drunk, and found yourself standing on the fast lane of M1 motorway ,you’d think that, that Juggernaut thundering down the road at 90 m.ph. and heading straight for you, wasn’t about to mow you down any second now, because you were a good old boy” .
The Captain being a scientist said “Billy you may indeed be a, true optimistic pessimist, because the optimist is a person not in possession of all the facts while the pessimist has all the facts. In your case Billy, you always look on the bright side of life and believe that every cloud has a silver lining, despite the fact that the weather man at the Met Office, has just informed us, that we are about to be subjected to a range of unprecedented, severe and the worst weather conditions which England has never experienced”.
The First Mate, laughed out loud , and said “Yes Captain, I’ve changed my mind ,and it’s all so clear to me now, the Cabin Boy is definitely an optimistic pessimist, ‘cos like that catholic guy in that Monty Python film The Meaning of Life, he also believes that, “every sperm is sacred” ,and seeing that an average guy’s ejaculates between 50 and 500 million sperms each time, yes Billy, you could be the father of all of the people, in the European Union, by just having your leg over once , and there’s a thought , millions of little BTB’s !!!”
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