None of the crew have tattoos so
far and the Captain had promised himself that by the time he was fifty he would
have grown a ponytail, had his ear pierced so that he could adorn himself with
an earring and finally would have a
tattoo .However now at sixty years of age, he is follicly challenged
and wouldn’t have been able to
grow a ponytail even if he tried and having a fear of needles, any holes punctured into his skin would cause
the most severe of nightmares, he however is thinking of having one devoted to
his wife , comprising of a black pussy with pink eyes wearing a pink collar.
The First Mate thoroughly endorsed the no-tattoo policy by adding “I’m
not growing my hair to look like a girl and I’m certainly not gonna wear an ear
ring like some middle aged poofter.
Just look at the people who have tattoos said Billy the Cabin Boy. “People who cannot express
their individuality through productive means for want of the mental and/or
creative capacity.” Who do you mean then
Billy Boy?” the First Mate asked “ Oh weirdos, druggies, peasants, thickos, permanently
unemployed, social security spongers, idiots, drunks, chain smokers, rebels and
people who could never be cool as long as they had a hole in their arse!”
“Don’t hold back Billy said the Captain “You’ve forgotten a
few “ “OK “ Billy said “Unmarried mothers, army deserters, traffic wardens,
butch lesbians, bouncers and people with short dicks, the dyslexics and the
criminally insane.”I’m sure you’ve forgotten to mention even more “said the
First Mate.
The Captain the related his story about the girl with a
tattoo he met in a café in Sennen Cove, Cornwall.
“I was sitting having a cup of tea, with my wife and daughter
in the café on the beach at Sennan Cove and I noticed that she had a tattoo on
her forearm with words on it, on reading it I couldn’t help myself and started
to giggle. The girl’s tattoo was obviously self-penned for it was supposed to
say “I love Denis”, but she had obviously had an unsteady hand and the letter D
had run and it read “I love Penis”. The Captain thought about his children and alikened
them to tattoos, permanent reminders that he had achieved the purpose of his
existence on this planet…yes procreation.
Just as we were approaching Kingston, The First Mate
spotted a young woman in a pair of 365 Levis on the tow path, and said “Look
over there, at that girl with the very pert bum. Billy turned around over to
see the girl, probably in her mid-twenties approaching a hot dog stand on the
river bank. The girl, obviously heard the First Mate’s remarks and the crew
could hardly believe their eyes when she raised her blouse slightly above her
hips to reveal a pair of chili pepper tattoos, artistically created and
tastefully placed in the small of her back. “Not all tattoos are bad like those
chili peppers” said Billy, to which the
First Mate added “Hot stuff eh Billy
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