116. Gypsy Rose Lee

We have been boating through the years along the Thames and a few years ago we had a surprise. “A woman “, yes a female of the species had eventually been appointed as a full time lock keeperess.

Although her real name is Tanya, we have always called her Gyspy Rose Lee because of her classic Romanic looks. Dark eyes , dark hair, white teeth, a pleasant smile and a nice pair of legs particularly in the summer when a skirt or a pair of culottes are worn.

Gypsie Rose Lee or GRL to the crew , does not wear a hankie  on her head  ,doesn’t wear   a pair of oversized earrings and as far as we know doesn’t quickly look at your half drunk cup of tea and tell you ,more’s  the pity that your boat is going to break down the next day. The only give away sign of her “ethnicity” is her familiar, Skippy a lurcher, who constantly accompanies her on her manly duties as a lock-keeper. We have just learnt that due to health and safety reasons that Skippy is no longer allowed to accompany his mistress to work. Of course such a pretty, well-kept, obedient and docile creature is a threat to any boater of a nervous disposition and it is also well known that such dogs are prone to jumping down or up 5 feet in order to severe the jugulars of innocent people who enjoy boating.

As we were leaving the lock the Captain said” We must have known GRL for over twenty years now”.”Not quite” replied The First Mate”, I remember when she used to be a holiday relief up at Benson, must have still been at school at time”.”Nothing wrong with school girls “ sniggered the Cabin Boy”, I used to get a bit of relief from them on the way back home from school when we  travelled to school by train from Hungerford to Newbury, we used to go into the toilet for a quick one” Now then Billy, you must have been only about twelve or thirteen at the time Billy and don’t say that you were already at it such a tender age”.”Sometimes did it with them two or three times in the train toilet on the way to and back from school”.’Did you ever get caught at it then Billy?”. “Only once when the guard saw smoke coming out from under the door opened, pulled the emergency cord and forced the train to suddenly stop. Luckily for us we beat a quick retreat before he came back and learnt our lesson to never smoke in the bogs of a train again.

D’ya know anything First Mate about the real Gypsy Rose Lee?” asked the  ever inquisitive Cabin Boy.””She was a Yankee girl who used to get her kit off for money, yeh a stripper who used to drive the audience wild by refusing to get all her clothes off to see the naughty bits and then just as the crowd were getting pissed off her, she’d suddenly drop her drawers.