There are people who own luxury homes on the River Thames who think that they own the river such as the guy at Cleeve Mill , however that gentleman is meek and mild compared to the previous owner of the pale blue house on Green Island close to Marsh Lock.
The Captain and The First mate have had many dealings with Mr.Timpkins in the past when they have been fishing there.
On many occasions the above gentleman came out and informed us that this mill pond was private and that he owned it and that he would call the police. Once he called the police and when the woman came down to see us, we pretended to be deaf and just carried on fishing oblivious to her gesticulations and loud shouts from Mr.Timkins.
On another occasion, we deliberately fished there on Christmas Day and Boxing Day, and on these occasions he really went off the off the head and was jumping up and down on his newly erected footbridge and said he was magistrate and would have something done about us. The next day, the Captain received a phone call from a Sergeant Spirrox from Henley Police station concerning a complaint from Mr.Timpkins regarding illegal fishing. The Captain told him that abuse of Timpkins position as a magistrate was a serious offence and hoped that he wasn’t in cahoots with Timpkins, because if he was, he wondered what the Chief Constable of Oxfordshire would have to say about it. The Captain continued “Can I have your full name, police number and the name, address and phone number of your superior officer please”. Needless to say the phone went dead.
Taking about dead, the Captain decided to really cook impkin’s goose for him and wrote to the Chief Navigation Officer, Keith Johnson concerning boating access, another letter with the appropriate fee to the Land Registry at Gloucester and a final letter to the Environmental Agency concerning a ferry chain which Timpkins had put across the entrance to the Mill Pond.
And then the day of reckoning came. As usual Mr.Timpkins saw us and came out straight away and started his usual rant. The Captain said “Mr.Timpkins, I have some information which you might like to hear; you see I now have your case fully documented. I have a letter from the Navigation Officer stating that no part of the River Thames is private and access is available to all boats. Secondly I have a letter from the Environmental Agency stating that the installation of a ferry chain is illegal if it blocks a navigable part of the river and that they will be investigating it thoroughly and finally you self-opinionated, arrogant bastard, I’ve saved the best for last. I have a copy of the deeds of your house and it clearly marks on the plan that your property ends at your garden..O and I forgot to say that I haven’t heard back from The Chief Constable about trying to use your magistrate powers to influence a police officer and I also have not heard anything yet from the Senior Planning Officer about your planning application for that bridge you are standing on, I daresay they’ll be in touch. Now be a good old boy and fuck off and leave us alone before you accidently fall of that bridge and do us all a favour and drown”
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