The Slug and lettuce at Marlowe is part of a chain of pubs owned by the Bay Restaurant Group who say that “they pride ourselves on our passion for great food and drink, fabulous, friendly service and safe, welcoming environments”. Let’s, now examine this statement.
Well great food was certainly not our experience when we discovered “Monday “when food was all half-prices. Half-cocked, the poorer half of the better half and six of one and half a dozen of the other which was greater more likely. The blow was softened by only a forty five minute wait and cheap price beer.
The beer was excellent and we easily quaffed several pints of Rebellion produced by the local brewery.
The service by Johnny Black was indeed fabulous. He was polite, courteous and helpful, a bit of a Uriah Heap character, ever so humble, creeping for a large tip .John if you read this, nothing personal, well not too much anyway.
The environment was safe and as soon as we arrived, the male of a clandestine couple summoned his paramour to move to a cosier booth and out of temptations way since the arrival of three eligible but highly attractive married men, just waiting to seize his top prize from under his very nose or his wandering hands.
Welcoming as a doormat can be .The designers of these chain establishments have tried to create a trendy environment, in our opinion, it’s more like a doctor’s waiting room in. This place used to be a pub called the Hogshead but in its favour , it still is based on the site of an old brewery.
The Captain started the conversation with “What a stupid name to call a pub, it would put you off your grub straight away wouldn’t it, as you are always instinctively look through your rabbit fodder salads for creepy crawlies or it this case slithering ,very slow creepy crawlies that leave a slime trial behind them.” “Yes Captain, but don’t forget you’ re getting a portion of fresh protein for free and at the same time reducing one of the arched enemies of the gardener plus I’ve never heard of anybody being poisoned by any snail” said the First Mate.”Well you’re the biologist amongst us Big Fella” continued the Cabin Boy “What is the difference between a slug and a snail then?”The First Mate replied, “It’s obvious gentlemen, the snail carries his home around with him just like a down and out and his bin liner, and the slug doesn’t”.
“Well if you think that that is a stupid name for a pub, during my cycling trips” said the Cabin Boy. I’ve come across some really, really stupid names. Once ,when we were cycling down on the South Coast, we ended up in good old Pompey and had a few beers in The Honest Politican and The Jolly Taxpayer pubs , and on another cycle trip around Kent, we found a pub called The Honest Lawyer in Folkestone , The Flying Pig in Dartford and we found a boozer the Donkey on Fire somewhere round Ramsgate way. Can you remember any weird or strange pub names in your travels Captain?”
“Well “said the Captain “My very first teaching job was in South London and sometimes I’d go with a few colleagues from the Poly, drinking down the Old Kent Road. I remember drinking in The Frog and Nightgown, The World Turned Upside Down and The Hairy Lemon. And as you know, my wife is Canadian and one year when we went to my visit her parents, we had a drink in a pub in Toronto called The Dogs Bollocks. Your turn next First Mate”.
“Can’t really think of any strange names, except for Goat and Compasses and The Marrowbone and Cleaver, which we used to get rat arsed in when we used to go on a uni rugby tour up north and our final game was in Hull, and yes, on the same tour, we got pissed in a pub in York called The Quiet Woman!”
“Isn’t it funny ” continued the Cabin Boy “that we can all remember these weird and wonderful names for pubs but I wonder why they get these , absurd names ?”.”Easy Billy” smiled the First Mate “To confuse foreigners and to prove to them that pubs are English institutions and that their names can only be interpreted only by persons who have a sound knowledge of the English language and more importantly, only by persons who have an deep rooted knowledge of English history”.
“I’d go along with the First Mate on that Billy” said the Captain “and “would add, that these odd-ball names lead to discussion and laughter over a few beers, in which gentlemen like us, while away a few hours conversing about possible explanations and suggestions , all are which unlikely and defy any form of logic. In all probability, it’s just a marketing ploy used to stimulate people’s imagination and in your case Billy, a very vivid one!”
“And I’ve just thought of another one lads when we were cycling down Pompey way, maybe Southsea”, piped up the Cabin Boy, ”The Fawcett Inn but all the locals call it The Rough Lover”
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