Until fairly recently there wasn't a speed limit on the non-tidal River but there was a general rule that a boat should not exceed a brisk walking pace which is roughly 4 to 5 miles per hour.
However, there is now a statutory speed limit of 8 kilometres per hour over the bed of the river. It is generally accepted and recognised that a speed limit is in all our interests as excessive wash, created by speeding boats, caused untold damage to the riverbank, wildlife and moored up boats (wash can still be a problem even with a speed limit). But the introduction of a speed limit was controversial for two reasons: Firstly, what unit of measurement was to be used and how would this be applied.
On the roads in the UK we do not use the metric system at all and all distances are measured in miles and speeds are given in miles per hour. As far as boats are concerned, here in England and like a number of other countries, speed is measured in knots (nautical miles per hour). In their wisdom however, the authorities on the Thames have decided to use kilometres per hour, a unit to which many of us cannot relate. And so, for slow learners like our crew: - 8 Kilometres per hour = 5 miles per hour = 4.3 knots
In applying the speed limit , the authorities have chosen to measure the speed ‘over the bed of the river’ rather than ‘through the water’. This can give rise to two problems. It doesn’t take into account the current, which can be considerable, and it doesn’t recognise that logs (speed indicators) fitted to boats measure speed through the water. There is no mechanism on a boat for measuring its speed over the ground unless it has G PS fitted.
When a Captain is in a hurry he is inclined to forget that there is a 5 miles an hour speed limit imposed on vessels on the Thames but a Captain worth his salt will ask the next boat ahead can he overtake him. This is exactly what the Captain did but did not realise that there are other impatient people on the river besides himself. At Hurley lock , the Captain duly asked the question and was told by the captain of the boat ahead of us “By all means overtake us once we leave the lock”.
In doing so, another boat was encountered in our way and so the vessel took a long berth to overtake the lead ship. The captain of the other ship did not like this and promptly also put his toe down but he was out beaten by the rapid response of Captain Jimmy.
As we sped towards Temple Lock, the Captain and crew saw that the lock was opened but as they got closer to the empty lock, the lock keeper, suddenly shut the lock gates thus preventing us to enter , and walked sprightly across the gantry and gave the Captain a right bollocking for speeding. “Think you’re a bit of a whizz kid do we captain ? and you also probably also think that the speeding restriction applies to other people only and not to you. Well I’m telling you that speeding causes a lot of problems here on the river such as bank erosion, bank destabilisation and its harmful to aquatic life and nesting birds”, “Is that all then?” sarcastically replied the Captain.”No its not old son, it causes damage to smaller boats and I’ve known a couple of canoes, rowing boats and small tenders to be capsized by excessive wash caused by speeding boats like yours.” Behind the lock keeper’s back, the First Mate whispered, “It’s not all bad then”
And to top it all, the fellow boater who caused us to speed even more proudly reminded us that “There was a thousand pound fine for speeding.” He forgot that he was also speeding and that unlike him, we had three independent witnesses who would swear it in court of law, if and when the occasion should arise.
The Captain turned around and faced the coppers nark and said “ As far as I was aware ,there are no River Inspectors on the EA launches with radar guns within a fifty mile radius, and in any case why should their time just leisurely cruising all day up and down the Thames at the boaters expense, be spoilt by someone requesting help, assistance or upholding the law or indeed being bothered by a tell tale tit like you”. The co-speeder suspecting that he may have got a bit of a kicking if he persisted arguing with the Captain, reversed his boat out of the lock cut and sort safety on the far bank, well out of arms reach.
The Captain told the Cabin Boy that he was going to give the lock-keeper a right gob full of abuse when passing through the lock, but the situation was diffused when to our surprise on entering the lock, the lock keeper was in good humour and even managed a smile. and said “ Have a good , slow trip to wherever you are going gentlemen “.As the lock gates opened up, the Captain said to the lockie” Yes he who laughs least laughs last” to which the lockie smiled again and replied “He who laughs last ,thinks the slowest”. Quick as lighting the Cabin Boy got in his two pennyworth and said “Well that must be you then Mr.Lock Keeper.”The lock-keeper now beaming doffed his hat, and
exclaimed”Touche!”.
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