By the time that we reached Bourne End, the crew were wet and their spirits were dampened. To cheer us up, the Cabin Boy kept on repeating the line from the Sloop John B “This is the worse trip, I’ve ever been on”. The First Mate couldn’t resist it and sang his verse with gusto.
“The first mate he got drunk
And broke in the captain’s trunk
The constable had to come and take him away
Sheriff John stone
Why don't you leave me alone, yeah yeah
Well I feel so broke up I wanna go home”
Both the First Mate and the Cabin Boy had been harboring on about the fact that they both needed a drink to cheer them up. And the Captain, in his own way, did his best to make them feel happy by telling them “Sorry lads, The Black Lion, The Bounty and the Firefly pubs all had to shut down because of some boating clientele singing late at night and had therefore been guilty of noise pollution “.The Captain was so proud of his acting skills that he thought about applying for a role in Eastenders.
Just as we were passing Bourne End Marina, the Captain espied a boat called Lazy Days and the Captain recognized Bazza the Chippy from Caversham and pretended not to recognize him only to be greeted by “ You gonna join me and Jane but for a few beers at the Bounty then ?”.
“Well you porkie plier Captain, I thought you said the Bounty was closed”. The Captain being caught out said, “Well I honestly thought it was, so maybe we can pop in for a bit of light refreshment out of the heat of the day.
The Bounty pub itself is quite charming and just as you enter the pub there is a sign, which reads ‘The People’s Republic of Cockmarsh’ where “the laws of common sense apply”.
Being quite close to Marlow, the Cabin Boy and the First Mate quaffed a few pints of Rebellion Blonde brewed locally by the Rebellion Brewery while the Captain consoled himself by supping a few Grumpy Cows, brewed by the same brewery.
The Captain learned from Bazza, that since he retired he had bought and done up a small narrow boat which him and Jane often spent a weekend on.”But Bazza today is only Wednesday , to which Bazza smiled and said” Well maybe a long weekend, after tonight we’re heading up Letchlade way and spending a couple of days at Jane’s pad. He continued “ We really like this boozer because the only way you can get to it is by boat or foot”.
Billy went up to the bar and bought the drinks back to the table.” I was just speaking to the landlord Dave, who told me that a couple of famous authors used to live here. Apparently Enid Blyton the kids writer, used to live just up the road in a cottage called Old Thatch and that crime writer Edgar Wallace used to live just off Blind Lane, which is also just up the road”. The First Mate chuckled “I bet you still read those Famous Five and Noddy books that she wrote , don’t’ you Billy ? “.” Of course I don’t, I leave that one up to you and the Captain, First Mate, but I do like the crime thrillers written by Edgar Wallace such as The Four Just Men and J.D. Reeder and his film screenplays such as King Kong and the Hound of the Baskervilles.!”.Never being not able to take up the gauntlet or in modern day prose, to remain a wimp , the First Mate responded “The Famous Five ,who can ever remember a bunch of upper middle class white kids kicking the shit out of a homeless guy while nationalists applaud , and as for that Noddy, and his apparently wise mate , that hobgoblin Big Ears , he was that clever, he used to sit all day on top of a toadstool, I hardly think it ,no Billy, those characters are more up your street than mine and the Captain’s”.
The Captain continued the conversation with “ I suppose that you can’t take it away from her, she was one of the biggest selling British authors of all time in the world and she still sells stacks of books these days “.”The First Mate added, “That may be so Captain but the books are outdated today and the plots are as dull as ditchwater and I suppose Noddy isn’t that bad if you get past the initial gag reflex”.
Bazza had been listening to the conversation and chipped in with “Her books may have been a bit boring but her private life was far from it., A couple of years ago there was a TV drama about her and in it , it showed that she used to like playing naked and that she had a lesbian affair with a nanny she employed to look after her children. Even though her books were full of happy carefree children whose idea of bliss at the end of an adventure-filled day was a slice of plum cake washed down with lashings of ginger beer, she was a right cow to her children and when she was divorced for adultery, she made sure that her kids didn’t see their dad by saying that he was unfit to see his kids because he was an habitual piss artist and womansier, which of course, was far from the truth.
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