As we were passing through the lock at Marlow, the Captain said, “I have a true story to tell you lads about this lock and the weir which lies beyond the lock but in particular about this bloke who used to live in the lock house just over there on the island”.
“There was once a former lock-keeper at Marlowe called Ernest Nicholas Bumble, an ex-navy guy who suffered from the peak-capped syndrome and several years ago who abruptly asked to see the my fishing licence whilst fishing at Marlow weir. Having run up and down the gantry several times shouting for us to come over to him, the lock keeper lost his rag and climbed downed the gantry ladder and waded across to us and said almost face to face “Licence” with no please or thank you. I asked him who he was and he replied, “I’m dressed like this because I am a lock keeper”. I replied, How do I know that you’re not just off to a fancy dress party? and I asked to see some ID, my mate Bo from London who was fishing companion for the day added that “Some people like to dress up” , to which I added “Like in women’s clothing eh?” Bo.
The then irate E.N.B. then demanded to see my licence again, but I refused and told him that I needed proof of identity, which the lock-keeper had not provided . The lock-keeper then bellowed at us ” I’ll go and get my ID card “.I then would him up further and said “While you’re ,there be a good chap and get us a couple of pints of larger and a couple of packets crisps, what flavour d’ya want Bo?
Off he truly went, wading through the water, up one ladder, up another ladder and along the gantry to his office.
Five minutes later, he returned once again after having walked along the gantry, down one ladder, down a second ladder, and once again waded through the water and almost pushed his ID into my face.
The Captain told him “I didn’t recognise him from this photograph and how did I know that this ID actually belonged to him?” I thought to myself that I had beaten the lock keeper hands down, who then left us to get on with our fishing but the incensed lock keeper almost had the last laugh. Bo and I settled had just settles down on our seats but after a short while we noticed that our feet were under water and that the water level was rapidly rising. The lock keeper had obviously opened up a sluice gate in order to flood the area where we were fishing.
The triumphant lock keeper smirked, as we walked by but I was determined not one to be beaten so easy and started to take a series of photographs of water levels and raised my voice and said “Attempting to murder a couple of guys by drowning them is a very serious offence, we’ll just see what the local police have got to say about it”.
Bo and I visted the local police station in Marlow and I told the desk sergeant, that I wished to report a serious office, to which he asked me “And what would that be Sir” I replied “it doesn’t get much more serious than attempted murder does it?. The sergeant immediately took us to an interview room and a police inspector presently joined us. I related the story to the police officer who looked quizzically at us and after some deliberation he pronounced “That wasting police time is a serious offence and to which I said “ and so is dereliction of duty and what’s more I wish to make a formal statement which I shall write my self”
A couple of weeks later, I received a personal apology in person from one of the top brass from the Environmental Agency , who told me that ENB took his duties very seriously and he may well have misjudged the situation regarding the flow elements of the river ,and a couple of weeks later when the intrepid pair met him again at Marlow Lock, and the only remark to pass his lips were “Dr.Whittaker I presume ?”. The Captain replied “Bumble innit?“ .Over the next couple of years he was nice to us, in fact he was very, very nice.
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