123. Henley

The Henley Reach is the location of the world famous Henley Royal Regatta is located just downstream from Henley Bridge. The course is 1 mile, 450 yards long and ends downstream at Temple Island.

It was this straight stretch of the River Thames that first attracted oarsmen to Henley. The very first Oxford and Cambridge University boat race was rowed between Henley Bridge and Hambledon Lock in 1829. After the success of this event, an annual regatta took place and in 1851 when Prince Albert became a patron of this annual event and it was renamed the Henley Royal Regatta.

The Cabin Boy, inquisitive as ever asked “Why is it Henley-on -Thames and not just Henley.

The First Mate took the bull by the horns, ” It is because there is more than one place in England called  Henley .There’s one  somewhere in the Midlands  which is a shithole  full of those Brummies who can’t speak English .There’s another in Suffolk full of carrot  crunchers  and there’s  another  near Crewkerne in Somerset where the yokels are always pissed up on scrumpy cider .And  the people of Royal Henley don’t wish to be confused with them “” OK ,then well why is Henley called Henley then ?” and now it was the Captain’s turn to answer the question.”Henley is a type of knitted shirt that used to be  made in a local factory, without a collar and made especially for gentlemen who have a fondness for rowing boats “. “Well I’ll be buggered that’s amazing “said The First Mate sarcastically”,“” I didn’t realise that such things even existed in the twelfth century!” just as they passed a sign stating that Henley was founded in 1179.

Billy  said  “I remember when I lived in Wokingham as a boy, there was this right poshington who used to go that snobby  Oratory School over the other side of Reading who was always going on about regattas. He used to tell me that the weather was always bloody awful during regatta week at Henley but him and his rowing team used to love getting pissed and eventually would take some part in an intercollegiate brawl which always ended up with some poor sod falling or getting lobbed into the water by the  Angel, you know the pub just by the bridge”.”What on earth is a pissington Billy ? “Oh you mean a poshington Phil, ,well it’s a modern term for someone who is more posh than posh like that curly haired gastronome  Laurence Llewelyn  hyphen Bowen and that coke head, socialite  Tara Palmer hyphen Tomkinson ,  and I don’t mean that fizzy stuff used to pollute Bacardi with!”